Swiping Left on the Jon

So this is what it’s come to- pooping while swiping left. That’s the definition of boredom.

I’ve been actually single for about 4 months now. And when I say “actually”, I mean no nobody. Nobody texting, calling, hanging with; no bone buddy. But there’s always someone willing. I’m good. Right up until this point; the tinder point.

I get on tinder like once, n then I’m like “wtf am I doing? I swore I’d never get on this again”. There’s no point! And when this precious digital Cupid alarms that a match has been made when I finally decide to swipe right? Omg, a match. Now what?

Nothing. That’s what. Nothing. Uhhh… “What’s up?”

And now here we are, me and this stranger who’s muscles are too big, shirt is too small, legs that are too short, bio that’s almost convincing.

“What’s up?”

Forced conversation- yikes! At least the environment you meet someone in allows for some casual conversation. But please refrain from the bar or you’ll be bombarded with “what are you drinking?” “want a drink?” “you by yourself?” “(s)he’s been serving them watered down all night” “(s)he’s been pouring them strong!”

And don’t get me started on small talk, “this weather is something else” “Where did you go to school?” “what do you do?” “how long have you been living here?”

Kill yourselves.

How about “so apparently there are these aliens…” or “I just don’t get evolution…” or “what happened to tootsie pops?” or “I wish Lauryn Hill was still making music…”

This whole hook up culture stuff is backwards. Or maybe miscommunicated between the sexes. If you just wanna hook up, why the need for small talk? I don’t need to know your major, or what you do. It’s a hook up!

Maybe females are strategizing on how to turn the hook up into something long term if the answers secure an ideal future, and the males are playing along because what else are they gonna do? Ruin their chances by saying “cut the small talk, hook up or no?”

And that’s really what tinder is. Why are we forcing ourselves to speak to these people we’ve never met? I don’t know you, therefore I don’t care. So why do I bother to log on?

Boredom. In the midst of all the actual life, I’ve still found nothing worth mentioning. So, I take my chances every 3 months on tinder knowing exactly what’s gonna happen. I’ll have absolutely no interest in talking or getting to know anyone I’ve never actually met. The same applies to a majority of the people I do meet, and some of the ones I actually know.

I guess that’s why the only available time I have for such nonsense is on the toilet because everyone’s full of shit.


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